Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
