Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
