Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
