bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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