My sheets look like a crime scene.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
