Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
