I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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