I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
