I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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