Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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