Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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