can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
