i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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