We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
