@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
