"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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