WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
