i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
