were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know her cup size but not her name....
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