Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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