Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
