It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
