Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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