there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
