I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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