either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
