I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
