She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
