Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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