I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
