The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
