There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
