Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
