That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
