Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
