Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
