they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
