after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
