it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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