how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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