bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
