my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize