I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
