i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
