her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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