i was born a porn star she said
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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