Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
