I puked a lego.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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