She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So squirting runs in the family.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
