Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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