I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
