honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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