I just made out with a guy for $7.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
