Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize