okay pat passed out under dana's car
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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