she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
