i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
