I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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