She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
