and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
