His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
