I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
