you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
