i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
