Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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