She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
