So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
