the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You pole danced in your parka.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
