Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
