i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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