Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
