i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
