i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
