Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
