Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
