He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
