I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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