Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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