3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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