I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
