So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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