I must be too annoying 4 u.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
